So here I sit, thinking about my week (or two) and wondering what to blog about and darn it, wouldn’t you know, the funniest thing that happened to me this week involved poop. I promise I am not doing it on purpose, nor do I spend more time than most engaged in or seeking out pooping activity. I think as mothers (and fathers) it is just one of those things that becomes of special interest to us. And so I blog about it but I have to say, I am a little alarmed as the few people who are following my blog, that I don’t know personally, all seem to be fetishists of one kind or another. I am not kidding. I read with great excitement that I had “followers” (and a big hello to you all) and WordPress suggested I check out their work as well which I dutifully did (P.S. I do everything the internet tells me to do). Lo and behold the pieces of theirs that I read were great. Interesting, well written and engaging…. and all about sex and fetishes. I am not sure how people who write about shagging in chains have come to like my Mummy blog BUT I can only assume it is the poop connection. Not a worry, this is an equal opportunity blog, we accept all manner of followers. I do draw the line at country music lovers though. You cow-tippin’ hicks can go and chew your blades of grass elsewhere. I kid, I kid.
Speaking of kids, this week’s blog exists thanks to my 2 year old daughter, B2. B2 is a bird. She eats like a bird, she flits around the house like a bird and she shrieks like an adorable little bird who you just wanna pop with a BB gun. Anyway, as a result of the eating like a bird, she also poops like a bird. No, not from a great height and on your shirt but minutely and infrequently. Actually it is not that small but when it only happens 4-5 times a week you would expect it would have some volume to it. Anyway, B2 loves and I mean LOVES cheese. She would eat cheese for all 3 meals if you let her. Now I am not sure if you know this but too much dairy can bung up your plumbing. I didn’t know this but thanks to B2, I do now. So a little girl eating cheese and drinking milk and not much else, can often end in some pretty catastrophic constipation. Thanks to the good folks at Accident and Emergency, I have found out about these wonderful little things called glycerin suppositories. They are solidified glycerin “bullets” and I am not sure of the ins and outs (no pun intended) of how they work but they are fantastic for relieving lil Miss of her cheese-induced pain. The problem is, as with all suppositories, that they need to be inserted… well… there’s really no nice way to say it… rectally. For you and me that is fine. Not fun but do-able. You know it’s for the greater good and you suck it up and like Nike say, just do it. Right, well how do you explain to a 2 year that she needs to relax and unclench?! You can’t. Anyway, I have had to do it enough times now, that I am a bit of a pro at it and the trick is simple; be confident and quick, oh, and a little paw paw ointment helps grease the wheels so to speak.
So this week we arrived at constipation station again. B2 was whining to me that she needed “cream” which is her way of telling me she has a poop stuck in the chamber. She was miserable with it poor little minx and so I scooped her up and took her down to her room to administer the glycerin and give her some relief. So for as confident as I have become, I guess she has also become accustomed to the procedure and knows that the end justifies the means. How do I know this? She lay perfectly still and relaxed as I primed her nether regions with paw paw ointment and then, as I was quickly and confidently inserting the little glycerin nugget into my 2 year old, she reverentially whispered, “aahhhh the bullllllet”…
I think I am raising the next generation of poo-curious humans and you know what? I am OK with that!
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